In the last couple of weeks, since moving to north Everett, I have felt lost. Not horrible, just misplaced and out of control. It seems that control can sometimes be an illusion. You may decide what to wear in a day, what products to use in your home and on your person. You may even have control over what you do for a living and how often you do it. However, in the end, at least right now, it is the large companies and government whom run the “important” things, such as the stock market and taxes. In the end after bad choices made by strangers, you may loose control of your life by loosing your job and health insurance.
Being a control freak, I had trouble with accepting that many things are/were out of my control. I cannot control my clients or their jobs and bosses to keep them returning to me each week. However, I can control how I react and pro-act for more things to come. School seems to be in the near future for me. Though massage is a great profession, it is viewed as a luxury by most people, even though it should not be. The whole business is struggling. This is not my fault. It really sucks. I’m not going to wallow though, but jump into a new experience with gusto.
What will be my newest excursion in the professional world? Even I am not completely sure about that. That’s okay, I have a few months and a vague goal in mind..
Aside from setting goals, I have been withdrawing from things that make my mind feel cluttered. Clutter itself is going to be cleared. Unneeded things will be donated or given away. While reminiscing about simpler days, spent as a nanny up north, I thought about how I managed stress, how I went to bed each night and cleared my mind. I had rituals, though sometimes silly, they served the purpose to clear my mind and settle my soul and help me enjoy life more. One that I developed for early mornings in the summer was coffee on the second story patio, watching the sun rise above the hills. Breathing the aroma of coffee and birch and pine trees helped me start the day right. In the evening, during the summer, I would sit outside – sometimes without a book, sometimes with one – and sit on my first level patio and listen. I love to listen to the natural world. Though sometimes it is noisy, it is usually very calming and even spiritual. The family cat would come down and wind circles around my legs, purring a simple song for herself.
What rituals can I have here, in the heart of the suburbs, blocks away from downtown Everett? So far, Rick and I took a quick walk to the end of the block and around the corner. It was great. As long as we are not too drawn up in little things around the apartment, we will be doing that. For now it is too cold to sit outside on the steps and drink tea or coffee.
I have turned off the TV more in the last few days. It’s boring, always the same old thing that fills my head with senseless noise. I started going to bed a little earlier, reading for a few minutes and then turning off the light and laying still. I focus on enjoying the stillness and the nearness of my dog and husband whom at the time is usually still on the computer. Today, I lit a candle and it has been burning for a few hours. Candles help with rituals. I have hung up two shelves in the bedroom and I think I will put candles there. I listened to music while doing housework, instead of listening to the TV. I actually finished folding the laundry today. That was big victory for me.
Though to some people rituals may seem boring, a sign of someone getting older (I’m only 24 by the way), I think they should be appreciated for what they can bring – calm and peace to the mind, body and spirit.
Just thinking about all these ideas is making my heart settle. I could go down to the waterside and walk along whatever is down there. I do love the water. Have I mentioned that I love walking and want to do more of it? If I can only find my mp3 player, I can listen to music while I walk.
I think an important thing to do is to have some rituals that include those you love – Rick for me – and some for yourself only. It is okay to be selfish sometimes.
